Ttaro Means Separately. Everyone Puts the Rice In Anyway.
A beef soup with cow’s blood in it, served at 7 a.m. two minutes from Sinsa Station. The rice comes on its own plate. That is the whole point of the name, and nobody respects it.
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Banh Xeo Is a Vietnamese Crepe. In Seoul It Comes With Kitchen Scissors.
A 31,000-won set for three on the second floor of a building next to a coffee chain in Sindang. The crepe is the size of the plate. The scissors are the Korean part.
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I Close the Books for Four Companies. I Never Looked at My Own.
For eleven years I have closed the books for four companies and never opened my own. What changed was losing money, first in stocks and then in crypto. This is what happened when I finally read my own card statement the way I read a company’s.
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Songok Lists Four Buckwheat Noodles and Translates Every One Into English. You Still Cannot Tell Them Apart.
A buckwheat noodle place on the second floor in Sinsa-dong, open since 1961. Four versions of the same noodle, all translated on the menu board, and the translations tell you nothing useful. One of them arrives as parts you are expected to assemble. Here is what is in each.
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Momil Is Not Even the Correct Word. Every Restaurant in Seoul Uses It Anyway.
The kettle came to the table first. I thought it was tea. I poured some into the paper cup and drank it. It was broth, and it was cold. Nobody told me. At a momil restaurant, nobody tells you anything. I ordered pan-momil. It came on a bamboo tray, two piles of gray-brown noodles, cold….
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Kongguksu Is Only Sold in Summer. The Salt or Sugar Fight Never Ends.
Kongguksu is sold for about three months a year and seasoned at the table, which is where the trouble starts. Most of Korea adds salt. Jeolla adds sugar. Nobody has ever changed sides.
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I Spent 1.5 Million Won on Potenza and Juvelook. My Pores Look the Same.
Three sessions of Potenza with Juvelook in Seoul, about 1.5 million won, and three months of waiting. My skin texture improved for a while. My pores did not change.
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I Spent 3.5 Million Won on Ultherapy and XERF in Seoul
Ultherapy PRIME 300 shots and XERF 600 shots, both on the same day in Seoul, for about 3.5 million won. It worked. I’d pay for it again — just not on the same day.
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Gamja Means Potato in Korean. Gamjatang Is Mostly Bones.
Gamja means potato, but the pot is mostly pork spine bones. Nobody can explain the name, including Koreans. What ugeoji is, and why the bones — not the spice — are the hard part for foreigners.
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Kongnamul Gukbap Comes in Two Versions at the Same Restaurant. Nobody Explains the Difference to You.
Nambu style or boiled style — same soup, same price, and nobody explains the difference. What toryeom is, what to do with the sueran, and why the 7 a.m. customers are all sitting alone.
